If you had asked me a few years ago where I’d be today, I would’ve told you I’d still be a nurse.
For almost ten years, that’s who I was. I worked in hospice, cared for patients at the end of their lives, supported families through unimaginable moments, and poured my heart into my career. I loved what I did, and I was proud to call myself a nurse.
Then I became a mom.
When my son was born, my husband and I made the decision that I’d stay home with him. At first, I thought I knew exactly what that would look like. I pictured slow mornings, baby cuddles, trips to the park, and somehow keeping the house clean while he napped.
Looking back now… I laugh.
No, seriously. LOL.
No one prepared me for how much becoming a SAHM would change me. Not just my schedule, but the way I saw myself.
One of the biggest things I underestimated was just how much work staying home with a child actually is. Before becoming a mom, I honestly thought, “How hard can it be?” You’re home all day, right?
Wrong.
Being a SAHM is a full time job in every sense of the word. Actually, it’s more than a full time job because there is never a moment where you’re completely off. There are no weekends, no sick days, and definitely no clocking out at five. Even when my husband takes over so I can shower, go to Pilates, or simply have a moment to myself, my brain doesn’t stop. I’m still thinking about naps, snacks, diapers, what’s for dinner, whether we’re running low on diapers, or if I remembered to pack his diaper bag for tomorrow. Motherhood doesn’t end when your shift does because there is no shift.
Another thing that caught me off guard was how different success feels now. As a nurse, I always knew when I was doing a good job. There were raises, promotions, performance reviews, and patients or families thanking me for taking care of them. There was feedback.
Now?
I’m basically just raw dogging it.
There are no annual reviews. No promotions. No one telling me, “Great job today.” Most days I just look at my son, see that he’s healthy, loved, growing, and hitting his milestones (for the most part), and I tell myself… I must be doing something right.
That’s my performance review now.
Leaving nursing also meant leaving behind a huge part of my identity. For years, if someone asked me what I did, my answer came so naturally.
“I’m a nurse.”
It wasn’t just my job. It was who I was.
When I became a SAHM, I honestly struggled with that. I loved being Axel’s mom more than anything, but I also missed being Lex. I missed having something that belonged to me.
That’s honestly how Mom Gone Mild Podcast was born. I started writing again, launched a podcast, interviewed inspiring women, and slowly realized that staying home didn’t mean I had to stop chasing my dreams. It just meant my dreams looked a lot different.
One thing I don’t think enough people talk about is the guilt. Working moms feel it. SAHMs feel it.
I constantly catch myself thinking that because I stay home, I shouldn’t need a break. My husband works all day, so why should I ask for time to myself? But taking care of a child all day is work too. Just because I don’t receive a paycheck doesn’t mean I don’t deserve rest.
And the guilt doesn’t stop there.
There’s also this weird pressure I put on myself that I can’t really explain. Because I’m home, I feel like the house should always be clean. Dinner should always be on the table. The sink should always be empty.
Not because my husband expects it. Honestly, he doesn’t.
I expect it from myself.
Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that’s what being a “good” SAHM looked like.
Who made up that rule?
I honestly have no idea.
I put so much pressure on myself to do it all. Be fully present with my son, keep the house clean, cook dinner every night, stay on top of the dishes, run errands, plan activities, and somehow still make time to take care of myself. And never once complain.
The truth is… some days that’s just impossible.
And that’s okay.
The funny thing is, I would never expect another mom to do all of that. If one of my friends told me her house was a mess because she’d spent the day making memories with her kids, I’d tell her the dishes could wait.
So why is it so hard to give myself that same grace?
I’m slowly learning that a messy house doesn’t mean I’m failing. Sometimes it just means I spent the day reading books for the hundredth time, chasing my son around the living room, singing in the kitchen, or soaking up another ordinary day with my extraordinary little boy. Years from now, I don’t think either of us is going to remember whether the floors were mopped.
But I know we’ll remember those moments.
One of the hardest adjustments for me has been losing my financial independence. I don’t think people talk about this enough.
Before becoming a SAHM, I worked for everything I had. If I wanted a new pair of shoes, a coffee, or a cute shirt, I bought it with the money I earned.
Now it’s different.
I catch myself thinking twice before buying anything for myself. I bargain shop, wait for sales, and usually end up putting whatever I wanted back because I feel guilty spending money. My husband has never once made me feel that way.
It’s me.
I loved earning my own paycheck. I loved knowing I could contribute financially, and I’ll be honest… I miss that. Learning that my value isn’t measured by a paycheck has probably been one of the biggest mindset shifts I’ve had to make.
But for every hard lesson, there have been a hundred beautiful ones.
I’ve been there for his first laugh. His first crawl. Watching him discover the ocean. Our morning walks. Watching him figure out something new all by himself. Reading the same books over and over because he gets so excited every single time. The millionth time we watched the same 8 episodes of Ms. Rachel on Netflix.
Those moments probably seem ordinary to everyone else.
To me, they’re everything.
If there’s one lesson motherhood has taught me, it’s that my worth isn’t tied to my job title or a paycheck anymore. For so long I introduced myself as a nurse. Today, the title I’m most proud of is Mom. Not because it’s the only thing I am. But because it’s the role that has changed me the most.
Do I still miss parts of my old life?
Absolutely.
I miss my coworkers. I miss adult conversations. I miss finishing a cup of coffee while it’s still hot. I miss listening to something besides The Wheels on the Bus.
Missing my old life doesn’t mean I love this one any less.
Both things can be true.
If I could go back and make this decision all over again, I wouldn’t change a single thing.
Being a SAHM isn’t what I thought it would be. It’s hard. It’s messy. It’s mentally exhausting. Most of the time it’s lonely. But it has also been the greatest privilege and honor of my life.
One day my little boy won’t ask me to read him another bedtime story. He won’t ask me to sing “You Are My Sunshine.” He won’t reach for my hand every time we go somewhere. One day he’ll want to do everything on his own.
So for now, I’m soaking it all in. The hard days. The messy house. The endless laundry. The sticky kitchen floors. The bedtime snuggles. All of it.
Because I know this season won’t last forever.
And if you’re reading this as a working mom, I hope you know this isn’t about saying one path is better than the other. I admire you. We are in absolutely no competition. I honestly don’t know how you balance a career and motherhood at the same time.
We’re all doing the best we can for our families. Our paths may look different, but our love for our children is exactly the same.
And I think that’s something every mom can understand.
