I don’t have many pictures of Axel and me when he was a newborn.
Not because no one offered to take them.
Because I usually said no.
I hated the way I looked.
Looking back, that breaks my heart.
Those sleepy newborn cuddles, the contact naps, the tiny fingers wrapped around mine… they’re memories I’ll always have, but I don’t have many pictures to prove I was there. I spent so much time hiding behind the camera because I was ashamed of the body looking back at me.
I remember getting out of the shower one day, catching my reflection in the mirror, and thinking, Who is that?
My clothes didn’t fit. I avoided mirrors at all costs, and I avoided photos even more. I loved being Axel’s mom more than anything in this world, but I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me.
I wasn’t living.
I was surviving.
If you’ve ever experienced postpartum, you know exactly what I mean.
The Weight Was Never the Whole Story
As an overweight teenager, I spent years believing the next diet would finally be the one. I’d lose weight, gain it back, promise myself I’d start over on Monday, and somehow end up right back where I started. Right before I got pregnant, I weighed 186 pounds. After having Axel, I reached my highest weight of 225 pounds.
But this story isn’t really about 225 pounds.
It’s about everything that weight represented.
Exhaustion.
Postpartum hormones.
Postpartum depression.
Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.
Wondering if I’d ever feel like me again.
Around six months postpartum, I realized something had to change.
Not because I wanted to be skinny.
Because I wanted to have energy. I wanted to be present. I wanted to enjoy motherhood instead of simply surviving it.
I wanted to run around the park with Axel one day instead of sitting on the bench because I was too tired. I wanted to look back on his first year with memories instead of regrets.
That was the moment I decided it was time to make a change.
The First 20 Pounds
I started Mounjaro after trying Ozempic in the past without much success. Like a lot of people, I secretly hoped the medication would do all the work for me.
Spoiler alert…
It absolutely did not.
It wasn’t until I started making healthier choices and moving my body consistently that things finally began to change. I focused on improving my diet, choosing more whole foods, and walking three times a week… even if I complained through every single walk.
Over the next couple of months, I lost my first 20 pounds.
Then one night, when Axel was eight months old, my husband casually said, “I’m going to do 75 Hard.”
Before my brain had a chance to stop my mouth, I replied, “I’ll do it with you.”
To this day, I have no idea who answered for me because that definitely wasn’t the version of myself I’d known for the last few years.
Who is she?
Making 75 Hard Fit Our Life
We knew we had to make the challenge fit our life instead of trying to fit our life around the challenge.
Our plan was simple. A whole-food diet, a calorie deficit, one indoor workout every day, and one outdoor workout every day. My indoor workout was usually the gym or Pilates. My outdoor workout almost always meant loading Axel into the stroller and heading outside.
Those walks became more than exercise.
They became our family time.
Every morning rain or shine, we’d load Axel into the stroller and head out together. Some of my favorite conversations with my husband happened during those walks. We’d talk about our day, laugh, dream about the future, vent when we needed to, and simply enjoy being together without distractions.
Somewhere along the way, I realized 75 Hard wasn’t just changing me.
It was strengthening our marriage too.
We were holding each other accountable, encouraging one another on the hard days, and choosing each other every single day. Looking back, I think that’s one of the greatest gifts the challenge gave us.
Velcro Babies, Gallon Jugs, and Daily Photos
When I first started, Axel was the definition of a Velcro baby. There were workouts where I literally held him because putting him down simply wasn’t happening. If you’re a mom, you already know babies don’t care that you’re on day 14 of a fitness challenge.
The gallon of water also deserves its own paragraph because… ugh.
As a self-proclaimed Coke Zero girl, I was convinced drinking a gallon of water every day was a form of punishment. My HydroJug became my emotional support water bottle, and somehow we both survived.
The hardest part, though, wasn’t the workouts or the water.
It was taking a progress picture every single day.
After spending months avoiding cameras, I suddenly had to stand in front of one every morning.
At first, I hated it.
Then something unexpected happened.
Instead of picking apart everything I hated about my body, I slowly started seeing everything it was capable of.
Day 8, Day 30, Day 75
Around day eight, I almost quit.
I was sore. I was tired. I was still taking care of a baby around the clock. I questioned whether I’d taken on too much.
Thankfully, my husband reminded me why I had started.
Not to punish myself.
Not to become perfect.
But to become healthier.
Somewhere between the stroller walks, meal prepping, saying no to takeout, and drinking what felt like an entire swimming pool every day, I stopped obsessing over the finish line.
I started focusing on becoming consistent.
By day 30, I felt stronger.
By day 50, healthy habits didn’t feel forced anymore. I actually felt good.
Then day 75 arrived.
I had lost 30 pounds.
I’m incredibly proud of that.
But here’s the truth.
The weight loss isn’t what changed my life.
For 75 straight days, I kept a promise to myself.
I showed up for myself.
For the first time in years, I trusted myself again.
I believed in myself.
I practiced self-love instead of self-criticism.
I looked in the mirror and saw someone who wasn’t giving up anymore.
There Isn’t One Right Way to Come Back to Yourself
Do I think every postpartum mom should do 75 Hard?
Absolutely not.
And I definitely don’t think you have to lose weight to find yourself again after having a baby.
This is simply what worked for me.
Maybe your healing looks like therapy. Maybe it’s joining a mom group, taking a daily walk, picking up an old hobby, going back to work, or finally asking for help. Maybe it’s simply taking that first picture with your baby instead of hiding behind the camera.
There isn’t one right way to find yourself again after motherhood.
This was mine.
75 Hard Wasn’t the Finish Line
For me, 75 Hard wasn’t the finish line.
It was the beginning.
Today, my husband and I have a home gym in our garage. We cook most of our meals at home. We prioritize movement, not because we’re chasing perfection, but because we want to build a healthy life for ourselves and for Axel.
I still have moments where I struggle with food because changing your relationship with it doesn’t happen overnight. But now I make choices from a place of loving myself instead of trying to fix myself.
For years, I thought my story would always be about being the overweight girl who could never stick with anything.
Now I know that was never the whole story.
I’m a mom who kept showing up.
A wife whose marriage grew stronger because we chose to grow together.
A woman who finally believed she was worth taking care of.
And if one day Axel looks back at our family photos, I hope he sees more than a mom who lost weight.
I hope he sees a mom who chose herself, because by choosing herself, she was choosing him too.
Because that’s the version of me I always wanted him to know.
