Everyone warns you about the newborn stage. They tell you about the sleepless nights, constant feedings, and how completely your life is about to change. Then they seem to skip ahead and start warning you about the terrible twos.
But no one warned me about one.
My baby is no longer a sleepy newborn who stays wherever I put him, but he also cannot tell me what hurts, what he wants, or why he is crying. He is curious, mobile, emotional, and determined to explore everything around him.
At the same time, his molars are coming in, we are weaning him from formula, and his sleep has completely changed. Some days, he barely wants to eat. He is not really interested in cow’s milk. He wakes up throughout the night and sometimes seems uncomfortable no matter what we try.
Last night, I offered him milk, water, a snack, cuddles, teething relief, a bath, and even Ms. Rachel. He rejected almost all of it and continued crying while I stood there wondering what I was missing.
That is one of the hardest parts about this stage. Sometimes you try everything, and you still have no idea what your baby needs.
I love watching his personality grow, but if I am being completely honest, this stage is freaking hard.
The Newborn Stage Feels Simpler Now
I remember thinking the newborn stage was the hardest thing I had ever experienced. I was physically recovering, learning how to take care of a baby, and adjusting to a life that looked nothing like the one I had before.
But looking back, taking care of him felt simpler in some ways.
He slept a lot and was not mobile yet. Most of the time, he needed to be fed, changed, held, or put to sleep. His needs were constant, but I could usually figure out what they were.
Now I can go through that entire list and still have no clue what is wrong.
Is he teething? Is he hungry even though he is refusing food? Is he overtired? Is he frustrated because he cannot tell me what he wants? Am I missing something?
It is such a helpless feeling when you have tried everything you can think of and your baby is still uncomfortable.
When I say the newborn stage feels simpler now, I do not mean it was easy. Emotionally, it was one of the darkest times of my life.
Postpartum depression and anxiety stole so much of that stage from me. Instead of being fully present, I was focused on surviving each day and trying to figure out why I felt so miserable.
Sometimes I wish I could go back and experience parts of the newborn stage again without feeling like I was drowning.
I am so grateful that my son is growing, learning, and becoming his own little person. But I also wish I had been able to enjoy more of those early days instead of just trying to survive them.
Both things can be true.
One Is the Stage No One Talks About
One feels like this weird in between stage that no one really prepares you for.
My son wants to be independent, but he also wants me right next to him at all times. He has big feelings, like Ms. Rachel says, but he does not have the words to explain any of them.
He wants to climb, touch, and get into everything, especially the things he should not. He has no idea what danger is, so I have to be alert every second.
From the moment he wakes up, I am following him around, redirecting him, keeping him safe, preparing three different foods just so he can reject all three, and trying to understand what every cry means.
We are also weaning him from formula, which has added a whole new layer to my anxiety. Bottles were familiar. They comforted him, and they gave me an easy way to know he was getting enough.
Now he is hardly eating and is not really feeling the milk, so of course I am keeping a mental record of everything.
What did he eat? How much did he drink? Has he had enough? Is this just because he is teething, or should I call his pediatrician?
I try to trust my instincts, but I also know it is okay to ask for help. If something feels different from what is normal for him, I would rather call his pediatrician than sit there letting my anxiety take over.
Then there are the molars.
There are days when he cries constantly and nights when it feels like none of us sleep. I know almost every parent deals with teething, but knowing other families go through it does not make me any less exhausted.
Sometimes I seriously want to ask every other mom, how did you do this?
I Cannot Sleep Even When He Finally Does
Sometimes he finally settles, but instead of immediately falling asleep, I lie there waiting for him to wake up again.
My body is exhausted, but my brain will not turn off.
Sometimes I even hear him crying when he is completely asleep. It is like my brain is so used to listening for him that it creates the sound even when the room is quiet.
Randy and I are doing everything we can to comfort him and make this stage as easy as possible for him. We take turns, try different things, and remind each other that we are doing our best.
But right now, I can feel my anxiety getting bad again. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I almost feel like I am drowning or can’t breath.
Because of my history with postpartum depression and anxiety, I know I cannot ignore those feelings. I take my medication as prescribed, try to use the breathing techniques I have learned, and stay open about how I am feeling.
I also ask for help when I need it.
I know staying quiet and pretending I am fine is not going to help me or my family. Asking for support does not make me weak, and it definitely does not make me a bad mom.
He Is Not Giving Me a Hard Time
There are moments when the exhaustion catches up with me and I start to feel frustrated. When that happens, I have to stop and remind myself of something important.
He is not giving us a hard time. He is having a hard time.
He is not trying to keep us awake. He is not refusing food just to make things difficult. He is not crying because he wants to test my patience.
He is only one.
He might be hurting, overwhelmed, overtired, or frustrated because he cannot tell us what he needs. His molars are pushing through his gums, his body is changing, and he is having all these huge emotions without understanding any of them.
Sometimes I can feel myself getting upset, and then I look at his beautiful little face. It brings me right back to reality.
He is my baby. He needs me to help him through something he does not understand.
I may not always know how to make it better, but I can hold him, comfort him, and make sure he knows he is not going through it alone.
Loving Motherhood Does Not Make Every Stage Easy
Admitting that this stage is hard does not mean I am ungrateful. It does not mean I do not love being his mom, and it does not mean I want to rush through his childhood.
It just means I am human, exhausted, and learning how to be his mom through a completely new stage.
People are always telling moms to enjoy every moment because it goes by so fast. I understand why they say it. Time does go by painfully fast.
But when you are struggling, being told to enjoy every moment can make you feel guilty for admitting that some moments are really hard.
I can love my son more than anything and still desperately need sleep. I can be proud of how much he is growing and still miss how simple things felt when he was a newborn. I can know this stage will eventually pass and still admit that today is hard.
Maybe motherhood does not suddenly get easier. Maybe every stage is just a different kind of hard.
One day, he will be able to point to what hurts. He will be able to tell me what he wants to eat. These molars will finally come through, and hopefully, we will all sleep again.
Until then, I am trying to give both of us grace.
When he is crying, I remind myself that he is having a hard time. When I am anxious and exhausted, I remind myself that I am having a hard time too.
Neither of us needs to be perfect right now. We both need patience, comfort, and support.
Everyone warned me about the newborn stage. Everyone keeps warning me about the terrible twos.
I just wish someone had warned me about one.
If you are in this stage too, please know that you are not doing anything wrong. You are not failing because you cannot stop every cry or immediately figure out what your baby needs.
Sometimes being one is just hard.
Your baby is having a hard time, and you are allowed to admit that you are having a hard time too.
This article is based on my personal experience and is not medical advice. If your child is not eating or drinking normally, seems to be in significant pain, or you are worried about changes in their behavior, contact their pediatrician. If your anxiety, depression, or insomnia is returning or becoming difficult to manage, contact your healthcare provider for support.
